fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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