my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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