Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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