did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
