We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
