Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
