So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
