So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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