Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
