The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
