I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
