I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
