That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
