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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.

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• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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• (716): View more from New York

  she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?

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• (954): View more from Florida

  You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am

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