He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
