Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
