phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
