Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
