ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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