i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
