that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
