When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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