told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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