I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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