come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
