party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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