okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
