Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
