Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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