Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
