Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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