Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
