it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
