Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
