i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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