Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
