Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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