There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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