That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
