Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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