Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
