he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
