She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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