ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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