today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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