stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
