Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
