Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
