Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
