dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
