so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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