Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
